Prosecards from the Edge (of a Continent)

A running commentary on my life in Izmir, Turkey...and other thoughts.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Weather and Paint

November sky: indecisive. Clouds drift and gather, descend into moist haze, dissipate. The light slants, Fall-like, and then out of the blue, a bird sings, a wave of heat draws out beads of perspiration under my long-sleeved shirt. It is a constant old-clothes race, switching from sweats and sweatshirt to shorts and t-shirt. I am waiting, desperately, for resolution. Will it be rain? Will it be Fall? Will we dispense with all that and elect for eternal summer instead? Waiting. Indecision. Limbo. Much like my life.

These days lack of resolution has me painting my walls. The pure white of the corridor had grown tired and dirty looking, and so I invested in three buckets of 'candelight white' and am busy rolling it on -- walls, ceilings, my face and hair. Renewal through paint. But the metaphor, even as I'm craning my neck to get that corner of the ceiling I missed on the first round, has got me thinking. Is it renewal, in the sense of purification or cleansing, or do we simply bury the old unsightly stuff, never really working it out or throwing it out? Does the old baggage, the dirt and smudges, always lurk there just beneath the surface?

I like my pristine cream-colored walls now; I like this new surface. How tempting it can be to slather on a fresh new layer, a new look. Switch out a tired old job, relationship, or hairstyle for a shiny new one. Remake ourselves. But are we renewing or escaping? Are we changing our exteriors to reflect shifts in our interiors, or merely because we have grown too uncomfortably close with our interiors? And how to know the difference?


At 4:47 PM, Blogger Hope said...

Welcome back Kate. So good to see you have posted, that you are emerging from your cocoon of time and reflection. Sometimes that takes awhile and just know that while you may feel an impetus to just burst free, often times the slow and thoughtful emergence allows us the time to truly spread our wings. To fly, to soar to the place where we need to be...

At 12:51 AM, Blogger Mamacita said...

Lovely reflection. Glad to hear your literary voice again.

Can you set up your blog so that it has an RSS feed subscription option? Your brothers have that option on their blogspot blogs but I don't see it on yours. Maybe it's something you have to tweak in your settings. Having a subscription would make it easier for your devoted public to know when you've written something new.


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